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  • Sumaiya Yakubu

Reasons why when someone says they love you, you shouldn’t have to live in fear of them.


Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, irrespective of gender, age, size, race, religion, education, and level of exposure. This is a huge menace in every society yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Noticing and acknowledging the signs of an abusive relationship is the first step to ending it. When someone says they love you then you shouldn't have to live in fear of them.

Most often in our society fear is categorized as respect. You see it every minute of every day, most especially in Africa and most parts of Asia. From birth you are being trained to be scared of people superior to you as a sign of respect, which is not supposed to be. You can respect a person and still be affectionate to them but you can’t fear them and show affection.

I have often wondered why we had to grow with scars from beatings from our parents, teachers, siblings and seniors we grew up around just because we questioned their authority or made the slightest mistake. Physical or psychological abuse cannot be the answer and it will never be. You are going to be who you are irrespective of how you were scolded not how abused you were.

Domestic abuse is being used for one purpose only, which is to gain and maintain total control over the victim. Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to destroy his/her victim so as to keep the victim under their total control. We see it in our homes every day and we either console ourselves by saying “where will I start from if I leave, its God’s plan for me, or It's my fault” but truthfully nobody deserves to go through that.

Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to violence. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression, and make you feel helpless and alone. No one should have to endure this kind of pain, and your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the situation, you can get the help you need.

There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your abuser. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them, constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up, chances are you are living with an abuser.

Whenever you realize you are being abused whether it is a partner, sibling, parent or child you can seek help from an unbiased person or authority. Don’t let anyone wear you down just because of your size, age, gender, religion, and financial buoyancy. Always be confident in yourself and learn to appreciate yourselves no matter what others think of you.

in Nigeria there are numerous NGOs and support groups in hospitals and the police stations you can turn too. Some of this organizations I will list below.

1. Domestic sexual and Violence Response team (DSRVT) is locates in Lagos

2. Family support and domestic units: which are under the police force and a department is situated in most police stations across the country

3. Women Rights Advancement and Protection Alternative (WRAPA) located in Utako, Abuja.

this a is just a few I mentioned above but there are a lot of them if you search the internet. you can find one which is close to you to seek help.

Please don’t die in silence just because of fear, you deserve better.


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